“For me, working is the
equivalent of taking a break!” I was surprised to find concurrence to this
belief of mine in a friend, during a deep insightful conversation over the
ruminations of creative minds. The difference being, my creative mind is
burdened by an immense languour, while he is far more active generally.
Freshly out of college, while the
norm is to hunt for a means of livelihood if one does not belong to the blessed
and fortunate category of those who have found their calling; here I was
quitting my first job merely five months after having joined. Belonging to the
former category I have mentioned above, unsure of my ‘career calling’, a plum
paycheque was what I had prioritised. Everything else could be tolerated. Yet
in five months, I realised the basic human need of job satisfaction. Having
concluded with the only certainty that ‘routine’ is not my cup of tea; I
decided to pack my bags. But for what next, I am yet to discover.
Routine, schedules, deadlines, punctuality:
cross. Freedom, one’s own time, diversity, change: check. This is the inference
I gained out of meetings with like minds regarding creative behaviour. And I am
happy in the reassurance that I am not the lone such specimen. How then is one
supposed to channel all that creativity and bring it to fruition and optimal
capability? For me personally, I require time…plenty of it, and without
multi-tasking. Yet, a boon turning out to be a bane proves completely true in
my case.
Being ungrateful for something
which I finally get after desiring for long surely makes me a monster.
Particularly when it is ‘time’ – a luxury granted rarely to a chosen few. It is
said that you often don’t get that which you chase. In my case I am often left
wondering what to do now that I have finally got what I wanted. For, when time
is all I have, instead of swimming and splashing in its waters atop a boat of
creative pursuits; I soon find myself drowning in the mire of how best to make
use of it. So that then gives way to mystic epiphanies of renunciation and the
futility of achievements. And this leads on to existential plunges that the
idle mind takes to reach an abyss of frustration.
I don’t know whether to laugh it
off or capitulate upon it, but nevertheless I find it a mischievous prank of
fate; for, the creative muses seem to delight in favouring me only when I try
to keep them at bay. This can probably be put as getting something when you
don’t want it! One consistent pattern I have noticed since childhood is that
all my creative energies peak exactly when I am supposed to devote my time to
‘constructive’ causes such as studies and exams. At such times the ink in my
pen flows unstoppably and a sheet of paper turns into reams…the same sheet that
remains blank when I try to put concerted efforts into filling it when I take
out time for writing per se.
You need to write daily in order
to write well, or even become a great writer. For an externally motivated
person like me, I often face droughts of inspiration. Yet, inspiration chooses
to strike at the most inopportune moments, like the eve of an exam, or just
when I am stepping out without pen or paper. At other times, procrastination is
my constant companion.
Friends and well-wishers have
always encouraged me to sit with pen and paper, or the laptop in present times,
and conjure up the creative potions. However, the roots of inertia grow just
too deep and strong in me, that others mistake it for obstinacy.
I am not wont to either
dedicating or carving out time on a daily basis to fulfill my creative
endeavours. I also look disdainfully upon those prolific writers who tear,
crush and litter the surroundings of their writing table with imperfect
attempts of their eventually perfect creations. The last one to agree to any
inherent stubbornness, I however do concede to a particular idiosyncrasy of
mine, which is to wait for things to happen; rather than making things happen, as
is attributed to achievers and successful people according to manuals and current self-help best-sellers. I’d rather
write a perfect (or less-than-perfect) piece at a go when the mood strikes,
than scratch and tear reams in the name of practice-makes-perfect. Till then I
don’t mind waiting for Calliope, Erato, Thalia and their company….for I have
all the time in the world!
